You Can Have Me

Tonight we went out to dinner as a family. Dad, Mom, me, and Ally. This doesn't happen very often, mostly because I work on nights my dad is off, and vise versa. But tonight, the schedules lined up, and I got to spend some quality time with my family while eating a meal that consisted of more than cereal! Needless to say, I was thrilled.

On the ride back home we had the music turned down low, I guess because my parents are old and don't like getting their jam on. I don't know. But anyways, it was quiet. Suddenly I heard a line from the song that was playing. My mind did a double take, and I asked for the music to turn up, announcing that this was one of my favorite songs.

Alyssah politely commented that I said every song on JoyFM was my favorite. Whatever.

The radio went up a couple notches and the chorus came back around. This time I was ready for it. And these two sentences have had me thinking all night.

"When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?"

The next verse came on, but I wasn't really listening to it. Because I was still stuck on what had just played. That was a darn good question. When had love become unmoving? Seriously. Love is talked about to be the greatest emotion, the purest of all. The most monumental. So unmoving? For real?

Because looking around, I see so many people that aimlessly declare they love someone, and yet, nothing is changing. People's lives are mediocre, and we still have problems that could be fixed by more patience and kindness. Relationships with others that, if we weren't always jealous or proud and trying to pump ourselves up, we could be fixing. That I could be fixing.

I remember about a year or two ago, I took a college visit down to Evangel University. I was able to sit in on a class, and though I don't remember the name of the course or the room number it was in, I do very distinctly remember something the Professor said.

"People always say to one another, 'Wow, I love you so much. I could never even show you how much I love you.' That is baloney! That is how you love someone, through your actions!"

He made a good point. If you aren't showing someone your love, then where is it? How are you even loving them?

I heard a quote one time that said "I believe in love the verb. Not the noun." Not just saying you love someone, but actually showing them through what you do.

I feel like I'm just pulling quotes after quote, but here's another one. Francis Chan, "Jesus didn't call us to have a daily devotional with Him. Rather He tells us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.""

So if I actually love God, truly and completely love Him, my life should be moved by that. It should be consumed by that. I should be able to see it, through the things I do and say. 

If it's not moving, or consuming, it isn't love. It could be me pretending to love God. It could even be me wanting to love God. But that's not enough.

In John 14:15, Jesus says "If you love me, you will obey my commandments." That's pretty straight forward.


All night, as I've been writing this post, Alyssah's been coming into my room. Just wanting to talk. And I've been so distracted by trying to get this posted that I've been telling her to go away. But before I did, by golly I made sure to tell her I loved her!


But do you really think she felt that I did?

Because right now, I've been choosing a computer screen over her feelings.

In Crazy Love, Chan talks about putting your name in for the 1 Corinthians 13 verse. I want to try it. Right now.

Alonnah is patient with Alyssah. (False.) Alonnah is kind to Alyssah. (False.) Alonnah is not provoked by Alyssah. Alonnah doesn't brag about herself to Alyssah. Alonnah isn't selfish with Alyssah. (False. False. False.)

Oh my goodness. I just want to stop now, because this is so embarrassing.

And I could probably stick God's name in there too, and get pretty convicted as well.

However, I think it's time to just post this and be done. So I can actually love my sister. The verb way.

Live without pretense. LOVE. Drink more water.
LOVE God. LOVE Others. Let it move. Let it consume.
A Diez.


P.S. The song was You Can Have Me, by Sidewalk Prophets. In case you wanted to check it.

No hablo Espanol

Tonight, I reminisce. Back to a place where I spent a total of 27 months. Somewhere I was forced to say "Puedo ir al bano, por favor?" before I was allowed to get up and use the restroom. A room where I stared at Chile peppers, piñatas, and purple books with salsa dancers on the cover, looking like they were having much more fun than I was.

Spanish class.

Three years. For three years my poor, sweet Spanish teacher had to listen to my constant whining. I hated telling time in Spanish. I hated conjugating verbs in Spanish. I hated present participles in Spanish. Cognates were okay, but for those of you who don't know, that just means its a Spanish word that sounds just like an English word.
The only thing I got really excited about was the fiestas we had. Mmm, sopapillas!


I distinctly remember a time my junior year where things weren't so hot. My grade was getting on the sketch side, and as a result, I would go up after each workbook page and have Senora Buchholz check it. Obviously my teacher loved this idea. (Hah.) Finally, looking at me, she told me something along the lines of, "I want you to learn this. You can do it, and I want you to be able to it with confidence. I'm hear to teach you know so you can do it later, but you need to be able to look at it and know that it's right. Here's how you do that..." Her nice way of saying: Alonnah, you idiot! You know this, stop being lazy and check your own work.

Of course, being the mature 16 year old that I was (sarcasm), I took this the wrong way and sulked, angry at myself for taking a hard class with a credit I didn't need. Angry at Mrs. Buchholz for making me do more work than necessary. And I was also pretty ticked because every one around me spoke English. No necessito hablar Espanol!

Almost exactly a year later, I was on a plane flight to Guadalajara, Mexico.
My amazing Uncle Jason was getting married to his beautiful wife Rosy, and I was flying down with my mom and sister to go to their wedding. I remember the first thing that really hit me was when we landed, looked for our luggage, and I had to ask a lady for help. Looking at me, she shrugged, "I don't know English." Oh.

 But you know what? The visit went just fine. Better than fine actually, it was the best trip I have ever taken in my life. At first, I highly relied on my uncle to help us communicate with others. However, during the second morning, before Jason was able to arrive at our hotel, my mom and sister got hungry. We decided to do a little wandering around, and found a taco vendor. I remembered just enough Spanish to order four tacos, and a strawberry smoothie. Thank you Mrs. Buchholz!
She had prepared me.

Guadalajara was amazing. I mean amazing. And I would love to go back. Actually, I'm really ready to go anywhere. I'm getting those itchy feet college students tend to acquire after spending 18 years at home. Especially ones who lived in the same town the majority of their lives. I've also finally applied to a college I would LOVE to go to, and if that works out, I would actually be moving residency in less than a year. If not, and I have to stay at ECC, I'm open to leaving the county after my Associates for a while. I guess I'm just ready for change, and for God to show me some type of direction.

So, Him and I had a little one on one the other morning.

And of course, it was humbling.

 I guess I was kind of asking what my next step was supposed to be. I was also complaining to Him about all the work I had to do that week. The answer kind of morphed both of those problems into one.
I felt God remind me that He wasn't killing time with me here. He has a very specific reason that I'm still living at home right now. He's got people for me to talk with, and learn from. It was also a gentle reminder that the things I want to do cost a lot of money, and that someone (Alonnah), needs to be using her time to prepare for these things.
And because this is where God wants me, complaining seems a little trivial.

I was reading in 2nd Samuel, and there's this part where King David is giving thanks to God. There was this one part that just stuck out to me, kind of got me right where it needed to. "He trains my hands for battle." (2Sam22:35)
And that's what I feel like God is doing right now. He's not wasting my time here, He's using this moment, just as He wants to use every moment, to make me grow. To train me. Just like Mrs. Buchholz did.

I guess right now what I'm really struggling with is contentment. Tonight I was reading 1 Timothy and I found something that really helped. Paul's writes in his letter to (young, college aged?) Timothy, "As I urged you when I went to Macedonia, remain in Ephesus so that you may command certain people..."
Remain. As in, stay there, there's work to do.

Even though I am super excited to be out on my own, and I really, really want to see where and to what God is leading me, I am trying super hard to understand that He has reasons for keeping me here. And I need to work just as hard on those as I do with other opportunities that might come up.

I heard a quote once that said, "If you have confidence, you have patience." And that totally makes sense to me. I mean, if I know something is going to happen, I'm not worried about when.
So, that's where I'm at right now. Or, rather, THIS is where I'm at right now. And since I trust God, since I have complete confidence in Him, I trust that this is exactly where I need to be.

"I don't know what the future holds. But I know who holds the future."






Live without pretense. Love. Drink more water. Patience and Contentment. Great gain. #1Tim6:6
A.Diez.