Dear Alonnah: Shut up.

You should for sure pray before you read this post. It's a little confusing, so I just recommend asking God to show you what you need to see. I'm just not the best at conveying things. But that's okay. Because God is.

I was thirteen years old.
10 months before I got braces, 2 months away from 8th grade.
What monumental thing took place during this? I got my first "boyfriend".

Let me tell ya, not all it was cracked up to be.

Because when you're 13, and you don't have texting, and you don't have a car, AND you don't have parents who want to take you to the movies 24/7, you don't tend to see your "boyfriend" a lot.

But I didn't let my friends know that.

I remember being at Six Flags, in line for The Boss, and my friend Chelsea asked how everything was going. Chelsea was super pretty. Chelsea had boyfriends before. So I went on and on and gushed over how awesome my relationship with this guy was, and how much I liked him, and all the cliché things I heard older girls say. Because I really wanted to have that.

We broke up a couple weeks after that.
Why? Because things actually hadn't been as real as I'd led on.

Sure I'd hear a Taylor Swift song and think "Oh that's us!" or read on GirlyQuotes.com (The 2008 version of Pinterest) and write down cute sayings I thought described us. But in the end, I think I talked to him on the phone twice, saw one of his baseball games, and maybe sat next to him at church once or twice. That was the extent of our two month relationship.

I would like to say I've matured since then.

But I haven't.

Because guess who else I've been doing this with?

God.

I've always been really big on witnessing. Like, I really like talking about Jesus. All the time. And actually this is a really good thing. We are supposed to be the lights of the world. Can't do that if your lights hidden under a sports jersey, or shopping bag, or anything else that is sometimes more fun to talk about. So yes, talking about Jesus, pinning about Jesus, posting YouTube songs about Jesus, is super great.

But here's where I'm feeling guilty.

I don't think I'm loving God as much as I love TALKING about loving Him. Because talk is so easy. What's not easy is for me to actually turn off my phone, put down the laptop, and focus.

I feel like sometimes it's as if God is going, "Hey Alonnah, want to hang out together?" and I go, "Just a minute, got to post another Facebook status about you!"

I have to imagine just how annoying this would be.  FAKE ILLISTRATION TIME: Let's say we're getting off work, and my friend Jennifer and I have plans to hang out afterwards. We're walking towards our cars, and we see some people we know. While we're talking Jennifer starts bragging about me. Which is super sweet. I'm so touched, blushing while she's gushing, the usual. It's awesome. Then, every time I try to talk to her, she interrupts me to tell our friends again just how cool I am. "Hey Jen.." "OH! AND Alonnah sweeps better than anyone I know." "Aww, thanks Jennifer, so are you ready to...? "OH! AND Alonnah cleans those mirrors like a super star!"
"Thanks! Hey I wanted to talk to you about.." "OH! AND..."
It's funny to think about. But really, that's got to be annoying.

Facebook verses are great. But not when it's taking time away from the one I'm wanting to glorify.

I pinned this a couple days ago. This for real is my life.

 And people seeing how much I love God is a good thing. Like talking about God is a great way to honor and love Him too. But I want to make sure, when I talk about my relationship with Him, that it's a solid one. Not based off of what people think, not based off of what I say, but based off of those moments when I am sitting in awe of Him, digging into His word, and actually talking to Him.

I think in America, our society isn't too hateful to the term "Christian". I remember a couple weeks ago talking with a friend about this at church. We were agreeing that we never felt persecuted at school for saying we loved the Lord. It's a pretty common thing. You see tattoos of Bible verses, cute T-Shirts from youth events. Lots of people are involved in a youth group. But how many of us are involved in a relationship? Not only one we talk about, but one we are also active in?

I guess I want to change that quote from "All I want in this life is for people to look at me and think "Wow, she really loves Jesus." to
"All I want in this life is for Jesus to look at me and think, "Wow, she really loves me."

I'm super nervous to post this, because I really REALLY don't want to confuse anyone into thinking that talking about Jesus is bad. Because it's one of the most important thing we do as believers. That actually was almost what I wrote this post about. It's totally one way to love God. I guess I'm just wanting to make sure I remember to love God in EVERY way. Especially since that's the most important Commandment. Wowziers.

I want to love Him by bragging about Him to all my friends. But I also want to love Him by spending one on one time with Him too.

Live without pretense. Love. Drink more water. Get real with Him.
A.Diez