Bad to the bone.

Your opinion of me might go down.

Just to for-warn you.

Driving to pick up my little sister from school today, I was in the right lane, jamming to JoyFM. As it came time for me to merge over I flipped on my turn signal (because I vow to never, ever become one of THOSE people..) and tried to accelerate so I wouldn't cut off the couple driving next to me. This came about the time when the car which I had so graciously used the signal for decided to try out for a role in The Fast and the Furious. Glaring over at them, I could almost guarantee the person was smiling.

Jerk.

Except I didn't say "jerk."

Since I like to keep my blog G-rated, I will let your imagination decide what words were replaced instead.

I kid you not, the second the nouns were out of my mouth, the radio blares the chorus to:
"Speak life! Speak LIIIIIFE!!!"

Oh. Good one God.

It was such an obvious, "Alonnah, don't do that!" that not only did I immediately start praying an apology to God, but I had to admit how clever and timely the whole thing was. So when Alyssah got in the car, I told her the story. Finishing it off with, "Moral of the story: your sister's an idiot."

Alyssah: "Yeah. You pretty much are."

Thinking about the irony of the song, I responded, "Yeah. But God isn't."

This is something I've been thinking about for a while now, at least the past month. Probably from some conversations I've had with others about coming to Christ, where they have actually told me they've done too many bad things to be a Christian.

This thought seemed so crazy to me. Like, really crazy. You aren't a Christian because you meet some kind of quota, some line where you pass over from being a "sinner" to a "saint".
But as I've been listening to people, I think that's how some non-Christians see those that follow Christ. They see them as the ones that just don't mess up.

And is that entirely their fault?

Because in all honesty, we Christians like to hold up a pretty fancy mask. We try so hard to do what the Bible says that, if we fall short of it, we kind of kick the sin under our bed and pretend it didn't happen.

I'm super guilty of this.

It's so much more fun to pretend that we've got it together. It's so much safer, and easier. I feel like a hypocrite writing this post, because I know I am the first to try to act like this.

But see that's not what people can relate to. While having the Holy Spirit helping you overcome temptations and struggles is part of following God, there's a really, really important part we don't talk about as much.

Salvation.

How timely.

The entire Christmas thing we do, where we celebrate Jesus coming to Earth to save us all from Satan's power, plays into the sins we hide.

See the reason Jesus came was to die as a sacrifice, to close the gap that sin created between us and God. The Lion, Witch, and The Wardrobe? C.S. Lewis's allegory concerning that.

And I know to Christians this seems like really basic stuff. That's the stuff we learned at the beginning of our relationship with God. But there's something I've been missing for a long time.


I'm not perfect. Christians and non-Christians- we have this so in common it's crazy. Even if you are doing really well with the not murdering thing, chances are you slip up somewhere else.

Because to God, sin is equal.

I mulled this over the last few weeks. And the more I began concentrating on my sin, the more disheartened I became. But then, God kind of snapped his fingers in front of my eyes.

Reality check. That's why He sent Jesus to die for me. Because I couldn't do it.

If we think being a Christian is all about never messing up and being the perfect person, we are really missing it. It's not about being perfect, it's about loving God and having a passionate relationship with Him.

I was watching a video a week or two ago, and the guy on it was saying something along the lines of, "Our sin doesn't shock God. He's not up there being like 'Oh no, they sinned! What ever am I going to do now!'"

I'm not saying be happy you sinned like "Oh yeah! Gave Jesus something to die for!" Absolutely not. But I am saying, I need to conger up enough humility to admit to the things I've also done wrong.

I was at church a few weeks ago*, helping load up boxes for OCC and had just met a few ladies who were also helping out. These ladies were some of the sweetest, kindest, most godly women I think I'd ever met. Picture Jesus as a grandma, and you'll get the idea. They loved God so much, they truly had looking like Him down to the tee. Turning to one of the women I told her, "You are all perfect!" She laughed in a sweet way and said, "Oh no sweetie. Jesus just makes us look that way."

I nodded and smiled, and continued to shove shoe boxes next to each other, but inside my brain had gone on pause. All I could think was- Wow, that was a really good answer.

Being a Christian IS following Christ. By definition that is what it is- Christ-follower. So it makes sense that when you are doing that, you aren't falling into sin as frequently. Out of your love and thankfulness to God you don't find it as desirable. But when people notice that, or make comments about how we aren't following the rest of the world, it is imperative that we don't just smile and nod and say "thanks". (Pretty much what I've done. My whole life.)

Maybe a thanks is good. But add, "It's just Jesus that makes me look that way."

Because, another quote from that movie a few weeks ago, "If they can't see that Christ is in you (or has affected you)...they don't want (Him)!"

I am actually pretty sure I've already quoted him with this before, but I'll do it again. As Chris Douglas says, "Make sure people know they don't have to get "cleaned up" to come to Christ. But, also make sure they know Christ will want to clean them up."

Best way to sum this up? My new favorite Bible verse(s):

For by grace you are saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God's gift- not from works, so that no one can boast. For we are His creation- created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them.
_Eph2:8-10.
Live without pretense. Love. Drink more water. Get real.

*was it just me or did the phrase "a few weeks ago" come up a lot during this post? Must've been a busy few weeks...

New.

It's changed now, but a few months ago under my blogger profile there was a section for "Bragging Rights". While I feel like this section is narcissistic and somewhat annoying to have to read, I did decide to put one thing down.
"Two years ago the door handle on my car broke off. And I duck taped it back on. Everyone said it would fall off, but it didn't."

Sure it looked about as tacky as the leg lamp from "A Christmas Story", but it was over $200 to replace.
Guess who didn't have $200 to spend?

As it does every year, the idea of Christmas has emerged its way up into November. And my dad, my amazing, awesome, sweeter than anything dad, offered to pay for my door handle to get fixed as an early Christmas present.

Boom.

It was a real quick job, only took them a few hours, and Baby Mario (my Oldsmobile) had a door handle that was duck tape free. Not only that, but as a cute little thank you, they gave me some of the paint they'd used on the handle for free. In case I needed to touch up any scratches on my car. (Hah. Replace "any" with "the many")

This extra gift was thrilling to me. I love paint. LOVE it. I've painted shoes, faces, parking lot stripes, the works. So having free paint to make my car look nicer...wow. Yes please.

Dad saw my excitement with this and gave me a few tips. "Don't paint your car when it's freezing. And make sure you use smooth strokes, you know, like...well you know how to paint!"

That's right dad. I do.

So yesterday I wake up and what is the first thing I do? (After Breakfast, Bible, and Survivor). I check the thermometer to make sure its not freezing outside. 50 degrees. Good enough.

I did a few touch ups, and it looked all right. Nothing too alarming.

And then. It happened.

I saw a tiny scratch behind my back right window. Like smaller than my pinkie tiny. Very carefully I stroked the brush over the spot.

But I did a double take. In this lighting it looked kind of funny. The red was darker than I'd noticed before. For some reason my logic behind this was to put a bigger glob of paint on my car. So I take the brush again, this time not getting rid of the excess, and slap it on top of the layer I already put on.

But that didn't look right either. Instead of being glossy like the rest of my car, the paint had more of a matte color.

I let it dry. Then I put on another layer. Maybe I hadn't shook it well enough the first time.
The paint starts running down my car. Shoot.

By the time I was finished layering and lathering, the yucky red paint spot was about as big as a hand. I decided I'd wait a while to tell dad.

However, my next theory had been that maybe the paint just needed to be warmer so I drove it into our garage and waited by taking a shower.

All the while thinking "Mom and dad never drive my car. I can probably get by four or five months before they notice anything." (I'm the lucky 3rd car that usually sits outside our 2 car garage.)

As soon as I get out of the shower I hear, "ALONNAH DIEZ."

What the heck?

Followed by, "Why is your car in the garage?"

Dang it.

However, I was in luck. It was mom, not dad, who had come home for lunch. After showing her the spot, telling her not to inform my dad, and sending my mom on her way I thought I'd made the clear.

Until 5 minutes later when my phone blew up.
Text 1. Voicemail 1. The text was from my mom saying she felt like she had to tell my dad. The voicemail was from my dad.

He said he'd called my grandpa to come over to take a look at it. Maybe there was something he could do.
Fuming I started pouting, telling myself over and over again that no, after paint has set for 3 or 4 hours, there is nothing you can do. It was going to look bad and that was that. Why was I the only person willing to accept reality here?

Grandpa and Grandma stopped by to examine the damage. After sounding a little doubtful, Grandpa said he'd be right back.

I went inside to get dressed for work. After about twenty minutes I went back outside to thank Grandpa for trying.

I walked out the door and saw him rubbing away at the spot. Feeling grim I asked him, "How'd it work?" Taking the rag off, he showed me.

It was gone.

I mean if you were looking for it, you could see it. But you had to be looking. I was completely baffled.

"It's gone? Like magic. It's like I never even painted it! It's like a new car!" I was so floored. The spot had been so big, and had set there for so long. I didn't think anything would get rid of it.

Realizing I had only 20 minutes to get to work, I hurriedly got in Baby Mario. My friend Ai had let me borrow her CD the night before so I put it in for the drive. The first song that played was "All Things New" by Stephen Curtis Chapman. The chorus was pretty basic: "You make all things new." Repeated like ten times.

And I realized that what my grandpa had done to my car was nothing compared to what God does for us.

Which is super ironic. Because the topic of forgiveness has seemed to be popping up everywhere for me lately.

Earlier in the week I had gotten a phone call from an long time friend that I'd lost touch with. Thinking the call was just to catch up, I was soon completely shocked.

As we started talking, she asked if I'd remember an incident that had occurred in our past. Telling her it was fuzzy, she went over it with me. During the recap, she told me she'd been holding on to something I had said. Something that had, for the past two years, hindered her relationship with me. As she reminded me of the words I'd spoken to her, I cringed. I hadn't even remembered doing that. But she had, and it had deeply, deeply affected her.

I think I have selective memory. When I do things I'm embarrassed about or disgusted with I try to remove them from my mind, because I hate remembering myself that way. But this reminder from my junior year of high school wasn't going away.

I find it very hard to forgive myself. Sometimes I'm really good at justifying myself, even when I am not, in fact, justified. But forgiveness? No. I don't want to think I need it. And if I do need it, then I sure as heck don't deserve it.

But in the past week, I have had two people say the same thing to me: If God says He forgives you, who are you to not forgive yourself?

I think that is a crazy good point. That's like saying, "No God, I'm not forgiven. You're wrong."

And I believe this is a concept we need to grasp a little more, being able to be forgiven. Because we are going to mess up. That part is inevitable. As my friend Ray pointed out, it's like Paul said, "I don't get it! I want to do the right thing, but I don't. And stuff that I know is wrong I end up doing!" Romans 7:15, Alonnah translation.

God will do it. It's us that need to get our butts in gear.

Because what if my grandpa was all ready to fix my car for me and I said "Nope. Sorry. There's nothing wrong with my car. And even if there was, you probably couldn't fix it anyways."
That'd be stupid.

In retrospect, after my grandpa had finished cleaning it off, I was so joyous! I said thank you probably a zillion times! I wanted to do something to thank him, but of course he's my grandpa and he said it wasn't necessary.

And I think that's how it is with God. He's done this huge thing for us, making us NEW, and so it should make sense that we love Him and want to make Him happy.

And that's where the sinning part comes in.

We watched a video in youth a couple weeks ago. During the video, the girl talked about how hard it was on her dad when she was diagnosed with a disease that makes you paralyzed. She said it was hard on her parents to see their daughter not functioning the way they had wanted her to function, and they saw the pain it caused her. And then she explained that this is how it is for God, it hurts Him when we don't function the way He planned for us to function.

So seeing how much our sin hurts God, shouldn't that be a huge motivation to..not sin?

I can't remember who it was, one of the leaders at church, summed it up perfectly. He said that people should know they don't have to be perfect to come to Jesus, they can have a rough history and past. But they also should know, that if they come to Jesus, He is going to want to clean them up.

Live without pretense. Love. Drink more water. We've forgiven. Let's thank Him.
A. Diez.

You Can Have Me

Tonight we went out to dinner as a family. Dad, Mom, me, and Ally. This doesn't happen very often, mostly because I work on nights my dad is off, and vise versa. But tonight, the schedules lined up, and I got to spend some quality time with my family while eating a meal that consisted of more than cereal! Needless to say, I was thrilled.

On the ride back home we had the music turned down low, I guess because my parents are old and don't like getting their jam on. I don't know. But anyways, it was quiet. Suddenly I heard a line from the song that was playing. My mind did a double take, and I asked for the music to turn up, announcing that this was one of my favorite songs.

Alyssah politely commented that I said every song on JoyFM was my favorite. Whatever.

The radio went up a couple notches and the chorus came back around. This time I was ready for it. And these two sentences have had me thinking all night.

"When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?"

The next verse came on, but I wasn't really listening to it. Because I was still stuck on what had just played. That was a darn good question. When had love become unmoving? Seriously. Love is talked about to be the greatest emotion, the purest of all. The most monumental. So unmoving? For real?

Because looking around, I see so many people that aimlessly declare they love someone, and yet, nothing is changing. People's lives are mediocre, and we still have problems that could be fixed by more patience and kindness. Relationships with others that, if we weren't always jealous or proud and trying to pump ourselves up, we could be fixing. That I could be fixing.

I remember about a year or two ago, I took a college visit down to Evangel University. I was able to sit in on a class, and though I don't remember the name of the course or the room number it was in, I do very distinctly remember something the Professor said.

"People always say to one another, 'Wow, I love you so much. I could never even show you how much I love you.' That is baloney! That is how you love someone, through your actions!"

He made a good point. If you aren't showing someone your love, then where is it? How are you even loving them?

I heard a quote one time that said "I believe in love the verb. Not the noun." Not just saying you love someone, but actually showing them through what you do.

I feel like I'm just pulling quotes after quote, but here's another one. Francis Chan, "Jesus didn't call us to have a daily devotional with Him. Rather He tells us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.""

So if I actually love God, truly and completely love Him, my life should be moved by that. It should be consumed by that. I should be able to see it, through the things I do and say. 

If it's not moving, or consuming, it isn't love. It could be me pretending to love God. It could even be me wanting to love God. But that's not enough.

In John 14:15, Jesus says "If you love me, you will obey my commandments." That's pretty straight forward.


All night, as I've been writing this post, Alyssah's been coming into my room. Just wanting to talk. And I've been so distracted by trying to get this posted that I've been telling her to go away. But before I did, by golly I made sure to tell her I loved her!


But do you really think she felt that I did?

Because right now, I've been choosing a computer screen over her feelings.

In Crazy Love, Chan talks about putting your name in for the 1 Corinthians 13 verse. I want to try it. Right now.

Alonnah is patient with Alyssah. (False.) Alonnah is kind to Alyssah. (False.) Alonnah is not provoked by Alyssah. Alonnah doesn't brag about herself to Alyssah. Alonnah isn't selfish with Alyssah. (False. False. False.)

Oh my goodness. I just want to stop now, because this is so embarrassing.

And I could probably stick God's name in there too, and get pretty convicted as well.

However, I think it's time to just post this and be done. So I can actually love my sister. The verb way.

Live without pretense. LOVE. Drink more water.
LOVE God. LOVE Others. Let it move. Let it consume.
A Diez.


P.S. The song was You Can Have Me, by Sidewalk Prophets. In case you wanted to check it.

No hablo Espanol

Tonight, I reminisce. Back to a place where I spent a total of 27 months. Somewhere I was forced to say "Puedo ir al bano, por favor?" before I was allowed to get up and use the restroom. A room where I stared at Chile peppers, piñatas, and purple books with salsa dancers on the cover, looking like they were having much more fun than I was.

Spanish class.

Three years. For three years my poor, sweet Spanish teacher had to listen to my constant whining. I hated telling time in Spanish. I hated conjugating verbs in Spanish. I hated present participles in Spanish. Cognates were okay, but for those of you who don't know, that just means its a Spanish word that sounds just like an English word.
The only thing I got really excited about was the fiestas we had. Mmm, sopapillas!


I distinctly remember a time my junior year where things weren't so hot. My grade was getting on the sketch side, and as a result, I would go up after each workbook page and have Senora Buchholz check it. Obviously my teacher loved this idea. (Hah.) Finally, looking at me, she told me something along the lines of, "I want you to learn this. You can do it, and I want you to be able to it with confidence. I'm hear to teach you know so you can do it later, but you need to be able to look at it and know that it's right. Here's how you do that..." Her nice way of saying: Alonnah, you idiot! You know this, stop being lazy and check your own work.

Of course, being the mature 16 year old that I was (sarcasm), I took this the wrong way and sulked, angry at myself for taking a hard class with a credit I didn't need. Angry at Mrs. Buchholz for making me do more work than necessary. And I was also pretty ticked because every one around me spoke English. No necessito hablar Espanol!

Almost exactly a year later, I was on a plane flight to Guadalajara, Mexico.
My amazing Uncle Jason was getting married to his beautiful wife Rosy, and I was flying down with my mom and sister to go to their wedding. I remember the first thing that really hit me was when we landed, looked for our luggage, and I had to ask a lady for help. Looking at me, she shrugged, "I don't know English." Oh.

 But you know what? The visit went just fine. Better than fine actually, it was the best trip I have ever taken in my life. At first, I highly relied on my uncle to help us communicate with others. However, during the second morning, before Jason was able to arrive at our hotel, my mom and sister got hungry. We decided to do a little wandering around, and found a taco vendor. I remembered just enough Spanish to order four tacos, and a strawberry smoothie. Thank you Mrs. Buchholz!
She had prepared me.

Guadalajara was amazing. I mean amazing. And I would love to go back. Actually, I'm really ready to go anywhere. I'm getting those itchy feet college students tend to acquire after spending 18 years at home. Especially ones who lived in the same town the majority of their lives. I've also finally applied to a college I would LOVE to go to, and if that works out, I would actually be moving residency in less than a year. If not, and I have to stay at ECC, I'm open to leaving the county after my Associates for a while. I guess I'm just ready for change, and for God to show me some type of direction.

So, Him and I had a little one on one the other morning.

And of course, it was humbling.

 I guess I was kind of asking what my next step was supposed to be. I was also complaining to Him about all the work I had to do that week. The answer kind of morphed both of those problems into one.
I felt God remind me that He wasn't killing time with me here. He has a very specific reason that I'm still living at home right now. He's got people for me to talk with, and learn from. It was also a gentle reminder that the things I want to do cost a lot of money, and that someone (Alonnah), needs to be using her time to prepare for these things.
And because this is where God wants me, complaining seems a little trivial.

I was reading in 2nd Samuel, and there's this part where King David is giving thanks to God. There was this one part that just stuck out to me, kind of got me right where it needed to. "He trains my hands for battle." (2Sam22:35)
And that's what I feel like God is doing right now. He's not wasting my time here, He's using this moment, just as He wants to use every moment, to make me grow. To train me. Just like Mrs. Buchholz did.

I guess right now what I'm really struggling with is contentment. Tonight I was reading 1 Timothy and I found something that really helped. Paul's writes in his letter to (young, college aged?) Timothy, "As I urged you when I went to Macedonia, remain in Ephesus so that you may command certain people..."
Remain. As in, stay there, there's work to do.

Even though I am super excited to be out on my own, and I really, really want to see where and to what God is leading me, I am trying super hard to understand that He has reasons for keeping me here. And I need to work just as hard on those as I do with other opportunities that might come up.

I heard a quote once that said, "If you have confidence, you have patience." And that totally makes sense to me. I mean, if I know something is going to happen, I'm not worried about when.
So, that's where I'm at right now. Or, rather, THIS is where I'm at right now. And since I trust God, since I have complete confidence in Him, I trust that this is exactly where I need to be.

"I don't know what the future holds. But I know who holds the future."






Live without pretense. Love. Drink more water. Patience and Contentment. Great gain. #1Tim6:6
A.Diez.

This Is My Story.

For those of you who aren't Facebook friends with me (Ehem, why aren't we?) a while back I posted a status:

"It's so hard as a Christian to not get caught in the world of debate. You want to prove just how right you are. But it's almost impossible to show Christ's love when you see the other person as someone to annihilate in conversation. Britt Nicole really hits the nail on the head with witnessing: "When we tell our stories, people listen and let their guard down and listen. They can’t argue with us, because that’s our story."

And it's so true. People can argue science back and forth, but you can't argue how someone's life has been dramatically changed. #I'm not the same me, and that's all the proof I need."

I listened to Britt Nicole's song "All This Time" about seven or eight times after that. For those of you who haven't heard it before: http://youtu.be/DP4Kl0Cfywc

And if you haven't read her story behind it, google that too.
 
I'm so trying not to idolize her right now, because she just has a really cool relationship with God. And she's got a cool story too. One she put into a beautiful song that has inspired and spread to people everywhere.

Since then, I've been plagued with trying to think of  "my story". How my relationship with God began, and why I've really changed because of it. This isn't a devotional blog post. This is just my life. And I think it's something that might be a good thing for all Christians to write out. Their personal story. So we know how to explain it when people ask. So we can reflect and remind ourselves of how we got to this point. 

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

Though I haven't always been in love with Jesus, I have known about Him my entire life. My parents were very diligent since day one to teach me about Him, to answer my questions, and to simply remind me of how much God loved me, and how through the Bible He showed it.

However, it took me forever to get baptized.

By the time I reached the age of 6, I started asking all those questions little kids get about God. "Who made God?" "How do you KNOW the Bible is real?" "What if I'm wrong?" It really scared me. Because I always knew I wanted God to be real, I just wanted to know that I knew the truth.

"It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings." -Proverbs 25:2

My poor parents. They spent evening after evening for probably about two or three years, trying to explain faith to me. But that's never something you can do for a person. No matter how much you love them. I know I spent a lot of time with my uncles who were really into apologetics, and they helped some too. Slowly, very slowly, my doubt questions became questions like "How else would the world get here?" "How do you explain all the miracles that go on with missionaries today?" "Why else would a man named Jesus die, if it wasn't for my sins?"

I think around age 9 I firmed up a little in my faith. But I still waited it out to get baptized. I was so scared God would punish me if I said I was a believer, but still doubted in my heart. Like I said, I wanted to know that I knew.

Finally, at age 12, I was baptized. I couldn't tell you the night I accepted Christ into my life. I honestly don't remember. Because I would keep getting scared that I hadn't meant it the first time, so I would do it over and over and over again. Just to make sure.

Looking back, I'm more thankful than ever that 12 was when I started becoming a little stronger in faith. I know you need God in every area of your life, but I feel like being a 12 year old girl, life just comes at you really fast. You kind of feel everything at once. I'm really glad I met my best friend before Middle School.

And that's who God became to me. My best friend. Middle School years were rough. They always are. I had acne. I'd skip school because of insecurities. My friends would get attention for being "troubled" that I thought of cutting my wrists to merely get heard. I fought with my parents, a lot. I hated being around my sister. I got my first "boyfriend". I had a close friend die.

So if there was a time to need God. This was it.

"The Lord is upright; he is my Rock," Psalm 92:15

I wish I could bottle it up and pour it on people, the feeling of comfort God gave me. Here I was, this really awkward, really confused, really lonely 12 year old girl. And here He was, the God of the universe sitting there listening to all my insignificant problems of how I couldn't remember the differences between the x and y axis, or what I was going to wear tomorrow because all three of my Hollister shirts were dirty. Most of it was really petty stuff. But He waited patiently, understanding I was still a baby Christian.  

Most of our bonding happened at night. With God and I. It would be when all the friends, homework, boyfriend, parents, and sports were silent. When there was nothing else going on. My parents had the awesome idea of an early bedtime, and being a new teen I could never sleep. So I had lots of time to talk with God.

"It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man to bear the yoke when he is young. Let him sit alone in silence." -Lamentations 3:26-28

I feel so lame, but my first "break-up" was probably growing point number one for me. It was my freshman year in High School. Let me just say, I was really into this guy. Like to where I threw my friends and social life and family life and everything else out of the door. So, once he dumped me I didn't know what to do. Because my friends had all gotten new friends. My parents hadn't liked the fact I'd decided to start "dating" so young anyways, so my pride kept me from them. I remember sitting on my floor in my room crying, because I felt like I didn't have anyone at all. I felt annoying to everyone I talked to, and that I really didn't like my life much at the moment. I think that's when I started really getting into church more. Someone's going to spend an hour telling me there's a God out there who actually loves me and wants to listen? That was exactly what I needed.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." -Psalm 147:3

I think that's what made me learn real fast, that God is the only thing that lasts. So that was the only thing I felt safe putting my happiness into.

Right around that time, I also received a letter from a family member I always highly admired. It was two pages long, on yellow notebook paper. Blue ink. He instructed me to be extremely careful entering High School, and how to take a Christian approach to it. I remember I was told three things: One, don't cuss. It makes you like everyone else, and really shows your weak mind to others. Two, reach out to the socially odd. It's radical and people notice. And it means to world to those you touch. Three, don't trust everything your instructors say. Trust Jesus.

He'll never begin to understand how much those two pages of yellow notebook paper changed me. But not then. I stuck the letter somewhere in my room, to be found months later. 

Summer time after Freshman year. I guess God knew I was a little guy crazy, because he used a cute boy's Facebook page to get me into the Word. There was this guy that visited our youth group, who posted a Bible verse from James in his About Me. I decided to look it up. And then I decided to read James. I will never forget that as being the first book I ever experienced. It was like I'd been completely drenched in mud from top to bottom, but hadn't noticed it until someone handed me a mirror. I decided I needed to read more of this Bible. Up until then it had only been something mom made me read before I could get on the computer. In one ear out the other. But that random summer day, I realized I was missing a lot.

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." -James 1:22

It was around that time I found the letter again. I think God strategically designed for me to go through a year of high school before I actually took the words to heart. Because I had started cussing (yup, just to be "cool".), I hadn't really reached out to anybody, and I certainly wasn't studying a whole lot of Jesus, besides those Sunday morning and Wednesday nights. I'm pretty sure I cried after reading it the second time. And the third. And the fourth. I read it over and over until I pretty much had the entire thing memorized. And I decided I really needed to step up with being a Christian.

"My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, Lord, I will seek" -Psalm 28:8

The end of Sophomore year, everything was perfect. I was super duper close with God. I was praying for stuff and it was happening. It was like the Christian "dream". And then, Satan hit.

I know I've written about this before, so I'll try to keep it short.

Bascially, to sum it up, a lot of my friends changed. They got really into alcohol. And sex. And the lack of caring for God whatsoever.* Some of them didn't even believe in God anymore. And it was so hard, because I'd gone with them to Conferences, seen them get "pumped up", and then watch them crumble before my very eyes.

These were my Christian friends. The ones that were supposed to be sticking up for Jesus with me. I just remember being so mad at them for giving into petty things, for becoming the people we'd promised eachother we wouldn't. I was mad at them for dropping out of the race.

And my doubts started coming.

I hate science. More than just about anything in the world, I hate science. But I went through websites and books and questions until I found answers I was looking for. I searched and searched, because again, I wanted to know that I knew God was real.

I remember one right, just laying in bed thinking, "Okay Alonnah. Pretend God isn't real. What's life feel like?"

I wish I had words for this too. Those few minutes where I sat there, picturing life without God, where the most empty minutes I have ever experienced in my life. I remember answering myself "What's the point then? Of life?"

Needless to say, I found confirmation in my faith.

"You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:13

One night, a week before junior year, He completely stole my heart. I was driving home late at night, right after hard break-up number two. (My boyfriend told me he didn't believe in God anymore, and we decided to stop seeing each other. It was really hard because it was like losing someone in two ways. One as a boyfriend, but the other as a brother in Christ. To explain it best, it felt like he'd died.)
Anyways, here I am driving down this road with music playing and tears rolling, just streaming down my face. It's a summer night so the windows are rolled down and I can hear all the night crickets singing their song, feel the wind hit my face. I'm screaming at God. Not because I'm mad. But because I have no other reaction. I could barely breathe. I really shouldn't have been driving. And  the song "Everything Good" comes on. First line in that song
"You are oxygen on a late night drive to clear my head when hope has passed me by." Well, that's exactly what I needed.
God and I spent about an hour in a parking lot together. I cried. He just reminded me He was there.

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." -Psalm 28:14

God's just been the perfect gentleman my whole life. He never forced Himself on me, he really truly took time to get to know me. From my awkward adolescent age, to where I am now (still pretty awkward), and He's just...been there.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you." -Jeremiah 1:5


I guess I could write a lot about how He opened up crazy career opportunities that shouldn't have happened, awesome witnessing chances that resulted in people getting saved, and all the other God things that He does. But now we're getting to the present. And you guys know all of that.

This was really just a reflect time with God. A time for me to look back into my Jesus diary and see all the ways He's just swept me off my feet. I love Jesus. I really, really do.

"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." -Matthew 28:20

A. Diez.

*This was not all of my friends. Actually God super blessed me after that by bringing me even closer to some really, really cool Christians. Emily and Christina, and of course, my track girls. Shout out to you guys. You rock!

Dear Alonnah: Shut up.

You should for sure pray before you read this post. It's a little confusing, so I just recommend asking God to show you what you need to see. I'm just not the best at conveying things. But that's okay. Because God is.

I was thirteen years old.
10 months before I got braces, 2 months away from 8th grade.
What monumental thing took place during this? I got my first "boyfriend".

Let me tell ya, not all it was cracked up to be.

Because when you're 13, and you don't have texting, and you don't have a car, AND you don't have parents who want to take you to the movies 24/7, you don't tend to see your "boyfriend" a lot.

But I didn't let my friends know that.

I remember being at Six Flags, in line for The Boss, and my friend Chelsea asked how everything was going. Chelsea was super pretty. Chelsea had boyfriends before. So I went on and on and gushed over how awesome my relationship with this guy was, and how much I liked him, and all the cliché things I heard older girls say. Because I really wanted to have that.

We broke up a couple weeks after that.
Why? Because things actually hadn't been as real as I'd led on.

Sure I'd hear a Taylor Swift song and think "Oh that's us!" or read on GirlyQuotes.com (The 2008 version of Pinterest) and write down cute sayings I thought described us. But in the end, I think I talked to him on the phone twice, saw one of his baseball games, and maybe sat next to him at church once or twice. That was the extent of our two month relationship.

I would like to say I've matured since then.

But I haven't.

Because guess who else I've been doing this with?

God.

I've always been really big on witnessing. Like, I really like talking about Jesus. All the time. And actually this is a really good thing. We are supposed to be the lights of the world. Can't do that if your lights hidden under a sports jersey, or shopping bag, or anything else that is sometimes more fun to talk about. So yes, talking about Jesus, pinning about Jesus, posting YouTube songs about Jesus, is super great.

But here's where I'm feeling guilty.

I don't think I'm loving God as much as I love TALKING about loving Him. Because talk is so easy. What's not easy is for me to actually turn off my phone, put down the laptop, and focus.

I feel like sometimes it's as if God is going, "Hey Alonnah, want to hang out together?" and I go, "Just a minute, got to post another Facebook status about you!"

I have to imagine just how annoying this would be.  FAKE ILLISTRATION TIME: Let's say we're getting off work, and my friend Jennifer and I have plans to hang out afterwards. We're walking towards our cars, and we see some people we know. While we're talking Jennifer starts bragging about me. Which is super sweet. I'm so touched, blushing while she's gushing, the usual. It's awesome. Then, every time I try to talk to her, she interrupts me to tell our friends again just how cool I am. "Hey Jen.." "OH! AND Alonnah sweeps better than anyone I know." "Aww, thanks Jennifer, so are you ready to...? "OH! AND Alonnah cleans those mirrors like a super star!"
"Thanks! Hey I wanted to talk to you about.." "OH! AND..."
It's funny to think about. But really, that's got to be annoying.

Facebook verses are great. But not when it's taking time away from the one I'm wanting to glorify.

I pinned this a couple days ago. This for real is my life.

 And people seeing how much I love God is a good thing. Like talking about God is a great way to honor and love Him too. But I want to make sure, when I talk about my relationship with Him, that it's a solid one. Not based off of what people think, not based off of what I say, but based off of those moments when I am sitting in awe of Him, digging into His word, and actually talking to Him.

I think in America, our society isn't too hateful to the term "Christian". I remember a couple weeks ago talking with a friend about this at church. We were agreeing that we never felt persecuted at school for saying we loved the Lord. It's a pretty common thing. You see tattoos of Bible verses, cute T-Shirts from youth events. Lots of people are involved in a youth group. But how many of us are involved in a relationship? Not only one we talk about, but one we are also active in?

I guess I want to change that quote from "All I want in this life is for people to look at me and think "Wow, she really loves Jesus." to
"All I want in this life is for Jesus to look at me and think, "Wow, she really loves me."

I'm super nervous to post this, because I really REALLY don't want to confuse anyone into thinking that talking about Jesus is bad. Because it's one of the most important thing we do as believers. That actually was almost what I wrote this post about. It's totally one way to love God. I guess I'm just wanting to make sure I remember to love God in EVERY way. Especially since that's the most important Commandment. Wowziers.

I want to love Him by bragging about Him to all my friends. But I also want to love Him by spending one on one time with Him too.

Live without pretense. Love. Drink more water. Get real with Him.
A.Diez

So this is what it's like to be a Falcon.

Hi. I started college.
Some facts I've learned throughout the past week:
One. Sleep is just something I no longer do. All college students seem to have this desperate need for rest all throughout the day, yet can't seem to find time or desire to catch a few hours sometime during the week. I think I might average about 4 hours a night? Most of us get less.

Two. I am still very much not allowed to do things I have urges to do. I used to think college was a time to eat chips and text while learning. Kind of like watching The History Channel while playing on an etch a sketch or something. However, from personal experience, I've learned Professors do not prefer this option and also are not shy is telling you that. In front of everyone. 

Three. I did not need to enroll for Intro to Fitness. Mostly because I park in Never land and am forgetful for what I need to bring to class. Because of this I take unexpected jogs back to my car quite frequently.

Four. I do not have school Monday, Wednesday, Friday. I GO to school Monday, Wednesday, Friday, but every other living moment of my life is reading an economics book or practicing algebra. I always have school. It's like an unwanted tattoo or a wart that is placed on the top of your nose so that you always can see it in the corner of your eye.

This isn't to say I hate college. Actually it's just the opposite. I much prefer it to High School. The classes are more time consuming, but it's stuff I want to learn, things I'm going to need to know in the very near future. So it's not like I don't have fun when I'm there.

You know that first day of school feeling you get? Where you are going to do every homework assignment and have perfect attendance because you are just so excited for the school year? I get that bad. When I got home, still injected with the first day syndrome, I spent four hours reading my economics book. I went to Wal-Mart and bought cute pastel sticky notes for "responsive reading", made myself complete four practice quizzes, and learned the first chapter of  "Microeconomics for Today!" by heart. Ask me a question about Marginal Analysis. I dare you.

After gaining my newly found knowledge, I felt like class would be a little monotonous, because I'd basically already studied everything. So coming into class yesterday, I got out my water, leaned the seat back, and started doodling in my notebook.

Then the Professor started talking.
And he began to mention stuff I hadn't read in the book.
WHAT NONSENCE WAS THIS?

I began flipping through my pencil bag to find highlighters and scribble down notes. The guy next to me must have been having the same problem because he kept looking at my notebook to see what I had written down. Guess he chose the wrong "Economic Expert" to sit by. The Professor told us not to worry, all his PowerPoint slides would be online late for us to copy down. Guess he's used to unprepared college kids.

I was just so baffled though. I had read and practiced everything from the first chapter. All of it! And somehow there was still more to learn. And my Professor had it down. Maybe because this is my first semester and he's taught for numerous years? Eh. Or maybe I'm just dumb.

Disclaimer: In the next section of this, I am NOT saying my Professor is the Devil. Excluding his somewhat distasteful joke yesterday, I really like the guy. He's an older Pilipino man who never lets the smile go off his face. I like seeming him bop around the halls, it makes me grin.

But, here's story number two. And a connection I made.

About a week before school started God was giving me all these ideas. Project after project, revelation after revelation, and challenges that got me pumped. This sounds like such a good thing. But I started getting that overwhelmed feeling I know too well. I was in my car praying and thinking about everything. Finally I just went a little crazy and vented it out. "God I know these are all cool things, but it's just too much and I don't want to do any of it!" Temper tantrum at its finest. I'm still amazed at God's grace with me.

The more I reflected on what I had just said, the more humiliated I became. I started thinking of each idea He'd placed in my head, the situations He'd put in front of me, and realized I hadn't done a darn thing with any of them. Why was I feeling so overwhelmed? The God that lead the Israelites out of Egypt was helping me out. Certainly that's enough backup.

Then, thank goodness, I got a heavy revy.

Satan is manipulative.

Here God was, providing me with endless opportunities of how I can help others, and the Devil was sneakily whispering in my ear that before I started on one task, I needed to finish the other, but that one would be road blocked until I got this over here done, and that even if I wanted to do such and such I should be putting more energy into watchca call it. I shouldn't even attempt so and so because problem 897 was way bigger, but for that I'd first have to finish my other issue I had going on.

It was a never ending cycle of nausea, not knowing where to begin, and in essence, not accomplishing a darn thing.

I just sat there kind of baffled. He'd done it. Satan had really pulled one over on me, tricking me into giving up multiple opportunities, hiding them with the mask of having to have perfection.

I guess I always kind of thought of Satan as easy to spot. You know, the whole sexual temptation, wanting to lie and gossip type of trickster. But he's way more in-depth than that. And you know what? Compared to him, I'm kind of an idiot.

Because Alonnah has been doing her life for 18 years. I've had 18 years to study the Bible, to practice it up, and figure out the odds and ends of this all. And I'd thought I'd learned a decent amount.
But Satan's had, oh I don't know, since before creation? That's at least over 6,000 years. He's had a lot more time to figure out how to play the game than I have.

Just like one day of my Economics class compared to the countless days and weeks and semesters my Professor has had in comparison. It's stupid to think he wouldn't know more than me.

I guess I was expecting it to be more like me walking down a road and the Devil was going to be holding a pitchfork with a sign saying "I have cookies, come get some little girl!" But I would obviously see him and say "No! I've got Jesus!"

Pretty sticking naïve.
Because the closer to God we get, the more cunning Satan has to try to be. He's not going to see us getting closer to his enemy and be like "Oh you love God? That's cool. I kinda hate Him with everything in my being, but if you want to be just like Him, won't bother me none!" No. He will up his game to try to snag us.

Realizing this didn't make me depressed or frustrated. At first I was a little peeved he'd got me, but I began to quickly understand this just meant I needed to constantly be with the one who trumps Satan. Because if Satan is the Professor, God is the Dean.

Satan doesn't ignore you when you become a Christian. That's never the case. But, it just means we have to keep fighting. You never see a knight in a sword fight lay down his shield because he just didn't feel like holding it anymore. He needs that thing. And we need to be proactive in reading the Bible. And praying. And one on one time with God. And worship. We need truth, righteousness, readiness for the gospel of peace. In every situation we need faith. Then we can extinguish the flaming arrows of the evil one. We need salvation and God's word. (Ephesians 6:14-18)

If you haven't had your Bible time yet today, I encourage you to read all of Ephesians 6. It talks a ton about this stuff. One of my favorite verses from there, which actually sums up this entire blog post, is Eph 6:18:

With every prayer and request, pray at all time in the Spirit, and stay alert in this, with all perseverance and intercession for all the saints.

Live without pretense. Love. Drink more water. Stay alert.
A. Diez

In case you're in the mood to go armor shopping-

Helmet of Salvation: Romans 13:11-14, Hebrews 5:1-10, Philippians 4:1-9,

Breastplate of Righteousness: Romans 6:15-23, Philippians 3:1-11

Shield of Faith: 1 Corinthians 15:1-34, Hebrews 12:1-2, Romans 10:1-14

Belt of Truth: John7:30-47, Ephesians 4:1-16, John 14:1-6

Sword of the Spirit: 2 Timothy 3:10-17, John 6: 60-71

Shoes of Preparation: 2 Corinthians 9, Galatians 5:16-26

Starting Blocks Rock My Socks

"Today, we are going to do block work," Coach Mechem announced to the sprinters. Inwardly smiling to myself, I knew today would be a free day. Because Alonnah Diez didn't use blocks. It was my freshman year of track, and probably about the second week. As I made my way down the 100 meter stretch I began to ponder what else I could spend my time doing that day.

"Alright girls. How many of you know your lead leg?"
My what?
To humor everyone, I went through the technique of leaning forward until I fell to figure out which leg I started off with. Apparently this was Track 101.

Coach proceeded to explain the use of blocks, and then one by one girls went into the start position, waiting for the signal. Then it was my turn.

"I'm sorry, I really really don't feel comfortable with these. I don't like using blocks. They make me slower," I explained, just as I had in Middle School. Lesson number one, Middle School track does not equal High School track.

Ever so patient and understanding, Coach Mechem smiled and told me again that it was my turn, encouraging me to give it a try.

Not wanting to make anyone mad, I decided to give it a go. However, I was NOT using them in any upcoming races. Not unless I wanted to lose.

I awkwardly made my way down into the blocks. Even being only 4'11, I felt cramped and wobbly. On "set", I was so ready to get out of there my butt shot straight up and I tumbled out on "go!" I didn't have to ask, it was bad. Like pretend to have to go to the bathroom so you can hide in the locker room bad. So what did Coach say?

"Wow. You need to keep practicing."

Ugh. High School people just don't get it.

I remember the first couple meets trying to sneak up to the starting line without my blocks set. However, apparently coaches are much more observant than I gave them credit for. No matter how much I pleaded, I was told to keep using the ridiculous starting blocks that made me look like an idiot. I remember doing not so hot those meets.

So then, Conference came. Every Freshman was allowed to run JV. SCORE! I knew it could be an easy and good day. And, I had a plan.
I decided I could show coach just how fast I could be without the blocks. I'd been losing race after race, and I wanted to prove to him it was no fault of mine! As I warmed up for the 100m, I started my plead,

"How about today I run without the blocks? I looked at my times from last year, and they are so much faster than I've been running this year. Just for today?" I'd done my research. Who could say no to that?

Coach Mechem. That's who.

A bunch of comments about how I'd been really improving, a bunch of silly statistics and running science on why blocks helped you get out on the right angel.
I sulked back to set up the machine of death.

I'd really wanted to win today. Not that other days I tossed in the hat, but today was CONFERENCE. Kind of a big deal.
So when the gun went off, I decided if I had to use blocks, I'd at least try to use them right.

Not only did I get first, but I also beat my personal record.

I started using blocks for all my races.


Isn't it weird, that while we have coaches and parents and other people in our lives who know their stuff, we just keep on doing what we're doing? I've been thinking about that recently. Like when my mom warned me not to use Dollar Tree Nair, but I thought I was wiser and used it anyways.

I know I'm not a talented cook. So when my friend told me not to add Crisco AND butter to our cookies, you would've thought I'd listened.

Or when my eye doctor, who is a doctor for eyes, told me not to sleep in my contacts.

These are people who I should've listened to. So why, when there is someone who obviously has more knowledge than myself, do I refuse to obey to them?
Because it's more fun?
Because I think I know better?
Because of pride?

While reading the Bible, I've noticed it's really fun to read the motivational, fuzzy feeling verses. You know, the ones you get tattooed on your arm or pin on your pinterest board?

"She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future."
"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil."
"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength."

These pump me up! Like I love thinking of laughing at the future and having renewed strength. Who doesn't?

But I've also started to notice, that with Bible verses of instruction, like do this or do that, I like to..I guess water down? The verses like

"Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back."
"It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality."
"Give thanks in all circumstances."
"Sell your possessions and give to the poor."

Really? Who has "Don't have sex before marriage and sell your favorite Hollister bag to get money to give to charity" as their Facebook coverphoto? I don't.

I once saw a sign that said "Stop taking everything I say so literally. -God."
If Jesus didn't want us to take it literally, don't you think he would have said so? He knew how to use parables.
So why, when I read verses that say "Whoever takes what is yours do not demand it back" do I start making so many exceptions? Except when it's my sister. Except when it's my favorite CD. Except when I was wanting to wear those sandals on vacation?

"But I don't want to be taken advantage of!" That's always my excuse. Then, in the back of my mind, I realized, Jesus was taken advantage of.
So, the King of Kings can be taken advantage of. But not me?
Ouch. I don't want to even dignify that by trying to justify it.

God knows all that. He knows everything we know, and so much more. Just like with my track coach. Coach Mechem knew that I was awkward in blocks, but he'd also seen how much practice can help blocks, and how much blocks can help races.

I guess it's just a pride thing. Thinking I know more than my eye doctor does about my contacts.
Thinking I know more than God does about how much the poor needs.

About a month ago, I decided to take it literal. I went through my closet and decided to get rid of half my clothes to give to the poor. As I held stuff up I thought "Really? REALLY? This was like a quarter at Goodwill. I didn't even spend that much on it!"
Then it was that moment when God says something you should've known, but didn't. When it hits you gently in the gut and you can't breathe.
"Alonnah. It's an obedience thing."

This is my new goal. Before reading the Bible, I used to pray that God would open up my eyes to things I haven't before seen. Now, I think I need to also start asking to be humbled before I read too. Because pride, that's gets me.

If I read it like "Alonnah, it's My will that you be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality." Oh my gosh, a direct request from God. Heck yes I'll do that.

But when we read those instruction verses, the ones we don't 100% agree with, we assume He must have meant someone else. Anyone else, besides ourselves.

When I say I am a Christian, that means I follow Christ. Not just when it makes me feel good about my life, or gives me encouragement. But also when it doesn't make sense. Because He's wiser than me. Why in the world would I not want to do it?

Live without pretense. Love. Drink more water. Hug Humility.
A. Diez.

No sisters were harmed in the making of this blog post

I love eating cereal. Especially at night. There's something wholesome about a bowl of Lucky Charms right before you go to sleep.

Sadly, we have this rule in our house to where you aren't supposed to take food down stairs. Something about how we never remember to bring the dishes up, I don't know. Either way, it's a no-go and I'm restricted to my kitchen table.

Anyways, last night my little sister wanted to watch The Office with me, before we fell asleep. I was totally down with that, but told her I needed to finish my cereal first. To which Alyssah responded, "Oh it's okay, you can take it downstairs!"

Uhh?

So I asked her if the rules had changed. She shrugged her shoulders and said, "I don't know. I do it."

That is true. I have seen her parade down the stairs and plop on the couch with some yogurt. And it looks so relaxing..
On a comfy couch. Eating food. Watching TV. That's the American Dream right there.

Tempting. Very tempting.

But, I realized even if I based my decision on the actions of my sister, in the end I still wouldn't be answering to her. I would be answering to my mom. And that would be a big difference.

And then I realized I had JUST posted a Facebook status about this. If you saw it yesterday, I apologize:

Simon says "Pat your head," we pat our heads. Jesus says, "Go therefore and make disciples," we memorize that verse." -Francis Chan.
We are so watered down by our society. By comparing ourselves to people who are already like us. I don't want to live that way anymore.

This has been something that's been bombarding me everywhere I go. I guess God does that when He's trying to tell you something. See, it's easy to compare where I eat my food with what my sister does. But in the end that's not what matters. It's the way I was obedient with the rules that were clearly set by our parents.

And I know I've done that as a Christian before too.
I'll see more mature Christians doing something, and without even thinking about if it's truly Biblical, I'll just assume it's fine if I do that too. Because they're Christians right? But that's where I need to stop. Because we are supposed to be comparing ourselves to Christ, not other Christians.

You know, Jesus did say go make disciples. But society says that is awkward and weird and we need to just leave people alone and let them do their own thing. You know, good old laissez-faire?
But society isn't the one that accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior..

And the more I thought of this, the more stressed I became. Because I realized most American Christians love to live lukewarm.
So what am I supposed to use as a reference point? All I have is the Bible.

And then the next realization hit me.

That's exactly how it's supposed to be. Me and the Bible.

Now please, please, PLEASE don't think I'm saying group Bible studies or church or Christian friends are irrelevant. Not at ALL. They are awesome awesome awesome.
But when it comes to evaluating how I am living my life, I need to look at Jesus's standard, not the American church's.

Some things are pretty clear cut. Jesus says do it. So why do we sit and analyze and try to talk our way out of thinking that He meant it?

Live Without Pretense. Love. Drink More Water. Jesus's Rules. JESUS RULES! ;D
A.Diez.

Vintage.

There were a lot of different ways to start this blog, because this analogy can be used with pretty much any relationship. But, to spare myself from countless questions on my own love life, I've decided to write about someone else's- my parent's.

Dad and mom met in college on a blind date. (I guess those sometimes do actually work.) It was a group date, and apparently they had the same groupies, but had never met up. Funny how that works. So anyways, yeah they went to this play together. Mom wore an ugly green bow in her hair and dad thought he was set up with a different girl. Note I said they MET on a blind date- they certainly didn't fall in love on one.

So I think a day later my dad wants to hang out at the mall and he thinks "Why not ask that Rebecca girl?" So he did. Mom was pretty excited. Dad says you can learn a lot from taking a date to the mall. Mom said she learned that dad really liked to talk. The whole time.

After that things seemed to fall into place. Dad held mom's hand when they looked at Christmas lights and surprised her by driving an hour out of his way on Christmas just to see her. My grandma says she remembered mom whispering to her "I know he's the one."

Then they got engaged. It had been a month since their blind date.
That is correct, my parents got engaged after knowing each other for only a month. They both do not endorse this.

Don't worry, their life got super great in about a year...:) (April 2, 1995 to be exact).*

So what is the point behind this history lesson? We're getting there.

I would first like to brag that I knew this story from the top of my head. Not once did I call up my mom to ask her a detail on it. And why is this? Because I've been hearing this story since I could ask for it told.

Car rides up to Wisconsin, I would ask to hear the story of how mom and dad met. Because I liked knowing this history of it. In my mind, when I heard them talk about the college days, the days I'm about to encounter, they didn't seem like mom and dad. They seemed like people my age that I'd hang out with.

And when you learn someone's history, you know them more deeply. I've noticed when you date someone, you have to eventually talk about their past. Sometimes that can be a sigh of relief, and sometimes it's rough. But there is no doubt that after those conversations occur you do know the person more intimately. This is with friends, boyfriends, parents, grandparents.

I remember my Grandpa Schmitz once saying, "The older I got and realized my parents were also human, the easier it was for me to love them."

Because you get to know the entirety of the person. Because no one is just who they are standing in front of you. They are also years and years of different sports they've played, friends they've had, trips they've made. History is important.

GOD TIME.

So these past couple weeks I decided to read Joshua all the way through (not something I had previously accomplished.) When asked what I thought of it, I declared the beginning was review of some favorite stories, the middle was extremely boring, but the end really hit me. Because as you read it, Joshua talks straight up about God. (Not that God wasn't talked about before, I mean it is the Bible.) But this was some stuff I'd never heard before. Just a few things I'd highlighted:

the Lord your God fights for you, just as he promised. [So be very careful to love the Lord your God.]

You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed. But just as every good promise of the Lord your God has come true, so the Lord will bring on you all the evil he has threatened.

But they cried to the Lord for help, and he put darkness between you and the Egyptians, he brought the sea over them and covered them.

Going through these, I realized that yes, God is the same today, yesterday and forever, but He also has a history. I've known the stories of Him turning the Nile into blood, making the walls of Jericho fall down, and all the other great stories in the Old Testament. But I never thought of them as HIS story. God's history.

I used to avoid the Old Testament like a plague. I thought it was simply for references. But I'm starting to realize it's much more beautiful than that- they are stories about the way that God acted, and the things He accomplished. It's a way to get to know Him more deeply and intimately.

I don't know about everyone else, but I've noticed that when a friend starts to tell you about their history, where they are from, it is almost an invisible trust line they've let you cross over. You've gained their love.
But God's history is freely given to us. Kinda like His love.
I don't know, it just kind of amazes me.

I think there's a reason "to know Him" comes before "to make Him known". You can't introduce somebody to someone you've never yourself took the time to meet. And once you do, you'll only be able to introduce them as well as you've gotten to know God.

We have a beautiful opportunity to know Him more deeply. We've had it actually. It's just a matter on when we take the time to use it.

Live without pretense. Love. Drink more water.
A. Diez.

 *For those of you who don't know...this is my birthday. ;D

Driving Lessons With Alonnah Diez

Last week, I graduated.
Last Sunday, I attended Baccalaureate.
On my way to Baccalaureate, I got pulled over.

This seems to be an unfortunate habit of mine. I never, ever intend to speed. But that's not really what the officer cares about.

Here's how the incident happened:

I am jamming out in my car, cruising down a hill, minding my own business. Suddenly I look at my speedometer. Oh no! I'm going a little too fast. I put my foot on the brake.

And then I see the cop.

Shucks.

I pull over to the side of the road and the Officer walks up to my car as I roll my window down. I'm actually pretty used to the process so I already have my license and insurance card handy.

Officer: "Where are you headed to mam?"

Did I mention I was wearing my cap and gown?
I thought the answer should be pretty obvious.

The Officer was really nice, and extremely understanding, and gave me the graduation present of letting me go with a warning.
If it would have been appropriate I would have jumped out of the car and hugged him. As it was, I settled with a heartfelt thank you.

Actually, the above portion served as no other purpose that to entertain you, make you feel better about your own driving skills, and I guess lead into what I'm blogging about today: Driving.

Ah, now we take a stroll down memory lane. 3 years ago.

I had just gotten my permit and I was one excited newbie. You know the way a dogs eyes light up when he sees a squirrel? That was me with a car.

After a few days in the high school parking lot, I finally was allowed to venture onto the road. I made some of the normal mistakes like hitting the brakes too hard, forgetting who went first at a four way stop, and accidently driving on the left side of the road. You know, the usual.

The one thing that kept getting me though, was changing lanes.

I just didn't see the point of checking my blind spot.
I mean really? Going 40mph and I'm supposed to look behind me? No thank you.
This, however, started problems.

See I was always ready for the next step. We'd be driving down our street, and I'd be yearning for the highway. When I'd get to the highway, I dreamed of what the interstate was like.
But my parents kept telling me, I had to check my blind spot.

Because if I couldn't handle glancing over my shoulder while going 40, there was no way I'd make it while doing 75.

It was something that freaked me out. And I had to work on it. But once I got that blind spot down and understood it's importance, well, I aced the interstate.

So, how does this relate to Jesus?

Well, today I was doing a different form of transportation. I was running. And I was running because I've been a real crab and needed some endorphins released.

Because God's given me a few projects lately. Not too hard, a little time consuming, and some that have been just plain annoying. And honestly, I'd really rather just enjoy the start of my summer.
So, while I was running, I started groaning to God. When you read this, please don't read it in a sweet, sad voice. Read it in a pathetic groaning voice. Because that's how it was.
"Why are you giving me all this haaaaard stuff? God, this is seriously no fun at all. Like it's really bleck. And I kind of hate it. Uggggha!!"
Yeah, "Ughhhha".

So maybe that's why when I felt God answer me, I was picturing it in a really sarcastic way.

I could just hear Him saying, "Really Alonnah? This is hard? What about those other great dreams you have of accomplishing for me, I suppose those are easier? Hun, if you can't handle this, you're going to crumble out there."

Ouch.
Check mate.

And it was true. I have built up all these great things in my mind, things I want to do for the Kingdom of God. Things that are going to be really, really tough. And for some reason, I've always dreamed of myself completing them with ease.
But the things He's handed me now are way easier. And all I'm doing is complaining, literally groaning at the thought of Him choosing me to deal with them.

It was like with driving. Why would I be ready for the interstate when I couldn't even safely drive on the highway?
Why would I think for a minute, that doing huge things for God would be possible, that He would even want me to be the one to do them, if all I do with the little things is cry and complain.

I was mentioning all this to my mom and she instantly remembered a verse in Jeremiah. A little background on the story first. So Jeremiah was having an Alonnah moment. He was complaining to God about the people he was having to deal with. And God, who was the same God that I was whining to, also responded to Jeremiah: "If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?"

Well shoot. God's got a good point.

And if you think about that and take it lightly, you might respond, "Eh, no need to do well in this then. I sure don't want things getting tougher!"

But, I think they also get more rewarding.

The interstate was awesome. Way better than the highway. I could see so much more, get to so many more places. It was like a whole new world had opened up.
And I think once we prove to God that He can trust us with the people and challenges He's already given us in life, He'll let us in on the good stuff. The world changing stuff. And we'll start to see how much bigger God really does plan. I think it'll take our breath away.

But it's just like with everything else. You've got to pass the first station to get to the next one. No one graduates into second grade if they've failed first.

So, remember:

 Earn it.

Live without pretense. Love. Drink more water. Prove to God that He can trust you with the mountain moving.

A.Diez
PS. Drive safe.

I just met you. And this is crazy. But here's my number. Text me maybe?

If you haven't heard yet, it happened.
Alonnah Diez got texting.

And I would like to personally thank everyone who so lovely congratulated me by saying "Welcome to the 21st century." Hardy har har. -_-.

So, here's the verdict...
Drumroll, please.

I love it. I love, love, LOVE it.

Seriously, now I understand what all the hype is about. Texting is awesome. There are so many times I think of something I want to mention to a friend, but don't have time for a conversation, and boom, message sent. It's so easy. And convenient.

I love that I can text in the Library, when I'm supposed to be silent.
I love that I can text in Wal-Mart, where I would really annoy people by having a phone conversation.
I love being able to text someone in a large crowd, where I can't even hear myself think.
And I really love being able to text people things I don't want others around me to hear.

So, yeah. I'm a fan.

And then, when I was driving home this weekend, meditating on my newly adored tool, I realized that this actually relates really well to prayer.

Prayer is so easy. Especially when you put it into perspective. God is the Creator of every part of the world, parts we haven't even seen before. The One who has all-knowledge over everything, all the time. God is like majorly important. *And we can talk to Him whenever.
It would be like having President Obama's personal cell phone number. Only times a bazillion.

When we have something we need to pray about, we don't have to wait for a window to open up, we can just pray, right then and there, and He guarantees He hears us.
But God has surely listened and has heard my prayer (Psalm 66:19)

It really is the easiest, quickest thing ever.

So. What else?

Well, there is something else I've realized about texting. I haven't had the most touching conversations. Don't get me wrong, I like texting my friends, but as far as heart to hearts go- not a whole lot of that going on. (Excluding, like, two.)

And it's because it's not personal. It's almost a side thought. I'll be watching Duck Dynasty and then shoot a quick reply to a text. I'm not fully involved in the conversation, and it doesn't have a whole lot of my attention.

That's why I like having calling too. Now, when I want to have a good phone conversation I go into a separate room, where there won't be any distractions. I make sure I have a decent amount of time to talk before I call someone, and I definitely give the person on the other end full attention.

I've had some pretty intense phone conversations.

And those are also important. The people I text, if I want to have an actual friendship with them I can't just text them whenever I get the chance. I need that personal connection too.

And prayer works that way as well.

See, it's nice to send up a quick prayer when I can't find my car keys. I love being able to do that.
But in order to have an actual real intense relationship with God, I need to have those long heart to hearts, where I set everything aside to just spill out my guts. And worship. And reflect. And ask forgiveness. And get to know Him.

This past month has been really hard on me. Like really hard. Every area of my life seemed like it was under attack, and I've been a mess. But I've felt like I've been getting through it pretty well. Until this past week.

I've been irritable. I've been crabby. Physically and emotionally tired. I've been anxious. And stressed. And overly worried about things I can't even pinpoint.

And I noticed that it's been about a week since I've had a set aside quiet time with God.
Then I started to make mental notes of when I was at my worst this past month, and it started lining up.

See, the problems weren't harder when I wasn't reading my Bible and in prayer. They were still the same problems.
But when I did start getting back into the Word and praying, I was able to handle the same problems in different, much better, way.

Like Lewis said "It does not change God- it changes me."

It wasn't always changing my problems right before my eyes, but it was changing me. And the way I coped with those problems.

I guess if there's a good way to sum this up, it would be that we really are lucky to have a textable, easy to communicate way to talk to God. But it's also imperative that we don't let that easiness ruin the opportunity of a deeper relationship with Him.

Live without pretense. Love. Drink more water.
A.Diez.

*The Bible does make it very clear that God does not hate anyone, but if people aren't in a relationship with Him, they don't have the same, I guess you could say benefits, as those who are actively following Him. Here are some of the other verses I found.

Now we know that God does not hear sinners; but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does His will, He hears him. -John 9:31

The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. -James 5:16

 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil. -1 Peter 3:12

The repercussions of a surprise birthday party.

Earlier this month I bought a lottery ticket.
Why? Because I can.
Why? Because I have a really believable fake I.D.

....

Haha, kidding. It's because I turned 18.

And let me tell you my birthday was the bomb diggety! I had a surprise visit from my parents, was introduced on the Missouri House Floor, and was surprised with cake at TWO restaurants. And that's just the summary.

But these things didn't all happen on a whim. They were perfectly coordinated by none other than my amazing boss and close friend Jessica.

See Jessica's one of those people who is really into surprises, so she gets kind of excited about birthdays. In fact, she even TOLD me she had big plans for my birthday. And I was super stoked to hear that.

Because Jess knows me really well. She knows the kind of things I'm into, things that are really exciting to me and stuff I'll be blessed with. She knows the kind of surprises that will embarrass me, the ones that will make me laugh, and the type that will touch me so much that I will cry. And she also knows how to coordinate.

So I wasn't nervous when she told me she was doing stuff for my birthday. I was actually pretty pumped.

Scene Switch.

Earlier this week I ran into something from my past that shook me up a bit. It was a rough experience and not something I was planning on having to deal with.
But the situation came up. And yes, tears started to roll down.

I won't go into detail, but I was a mess.

And I was also really confused. I didn't understand why I was having to go through this pain again, when it didn't seem like anything productive was going to come out of it. Nothing changed, except that I wasn't feeling okay anymore.

After an hour of crying, a phone call to a friend, and a few screaming fits, I finally put my car in drive and went home.
Make-up came off, pajamas went on, and I pulled out my 40 Days devotional book. (Again, shout out to the Douglas's, this book is amazing.)

The theme for that day was "I Am With You". Yeah, okay. I get that. I knew God was with me earlier that night. And while it was a comfort, I still wasn't exactly thrilled to have to go through that experience.

But as I read through the devo, I started marking the page up with my blue marker. Because some things stood out.



      "I know precisely what you need to draw nearer to Me....Accept every event as My hand-tailored provision for you needs....find Me in every situation."     

Accept every event?

Well, God must have meant every event besides this one. Because this one hurt. Bad.
But the more I thought, the more I was humbled and I realized every event means just that. Without exceptions. Every. Event.

And that's when I started thinking about Jessica and my birthday surprises. Because I know the outcome of my life is a surprise that God is coordinating. And just like I trusted Jess with planning my birthday, I need to trust God with the outcome of my life.

And every event that leads to it.

Because God knows me really well. He knows the kind of things I'm into, things that are really exciting to me and stuff I'll be blessed with. He knows the kind of surprises that will embarrass me, the ones that will make me laugh, and the type that will touch me so much that I will cry. And He also knows how to coordinate.

See, I trust Jessica, I knew she was going to make my birthday special.
And I think I need to start realizing that God is that exact same way. I can trust Him to orchestrate every event-every event- into His big plan. His surprise.

Which doesn't exactly make the rough times fun, but it makes me want to act a whole lot more joyful during them.

Maybe He's using my painful event to get my attention. Maybe it's supposed to draw me closer to Him. Maybe it's to help the other people involved. Or maybe it's something that me, on my level, can't understand. Because I'm not God.

I think sometimes, when these things happen to use, we tend to forget just how massive God is. We've placed in him our own definitions, our own limitations, and really kind of belittled Him.
I know this video really put things in perspective for me. I know it's an extra link to click on, but seriously, watch it. It's humbling.

http://youtu.be/qnrJVTSYLr8

Now I'm not saying every situation is God designed. My friend Jessica (Not birthday-Jessica, bookwriting-Jessica) once said a very true, very serious statement. "God can upon doors. But Satan can too."

But regardless of who opened the door, we are supposed to find God in every situation. And just as importantly, act as God would want us too.

Because, if God did design the situation, we can't risk acting the wrong way and losing an opportunity.
If Satan plotted it out, we can't risk acting the wrong way and fulfilling his plan.

I want to end with a text I literally just got, as I was writing this post. My friend Collin and I were talking about being a witness for Christ, by the way you live your life. He sent me this:

Every action made is either a positive or negative toward a persons witness. There is no neutral.

Live without pretense. Love. Drink more water. Relax, trust Him. Act as Him.
A.Diez