Because in this story I was.
I knew I was supposed to work Friday, and I knew the shift was going to be long. I knew we were going to be busy, and that everyone was scheduled that day. The only thing I didn't know was what time I actually worked. And why, might you ask? Because I'd lost my schedule.
The thing is, I have a bad habit of this- losing things. Especially when it's important information. So you'd think at this point I would've started making copies of stuff, or at least a designated spot for things of significance. But when I looked around the room, I didn't see it.
Reason number two I was irresponsible- I couldn't see my floor.
Now I do need to clear some things up, I am not a messy person. In fact, excluding my car, I have become almost 100% clutter free over the past couple years. But I also have this bad habit of biting off more than I can chew. And even though I was already scheduled for more hours than I ever had worked before, and even though I already had a trip to Washington DC planned that week, I spent an evening at track practice, had two sleepovers, went out to eat with friends, and took a shopping trip.
Needless to say, cleaning my room didn't take top priority.
So here I am, standing in this pile of clothes, papers, and books I've been planning to read, as I look around for my schedule. I weighed my options. Call and admit how foolish I had been or clean my room.
First wise decision of this story- I cleaned my room.
And it was not what I expected.
I figured I would pick up a couple shirts and- poof!- there it would be, happily lying underneath a few items. Wrong. Every time I saw a paper folded up, I'd lunge towards it, only to find a folded up schedule from previous weeks.
I ended up cleaning my entire room. Because it had been in my car.
However, I was feeling significantly more productive at this point. Something I'd needed to get done, definitely a necessary at the time, something I'd been blatantly ignoring, was finally completed. And then I realized, if I would've found my schedule a few minutes into it, I would've stopped cleaning the moment I knew where it was.
And I wouldn't have gotten done what I needed to get done.
Sometimes I think we need to have that motivation from something that is out of our grasp. Whether it's the lack of an answer that makes us keep searching or the absence of peace, I started to think, maybe there's a reason God doesn't give us things- even if they're good things- sometimes.
Because I think, some things we have to experience. And God knows that sometimes if we find what we're looking for we'll stop growing and never reach the point He wants us to get to.
I know in my life, the points I've been closest to God were the times I felt like I'd lost the most world-wise. I felt so empty and like I'd lost so much and I just couldn't understand why God wouldn't give me something to replace what had been taken from me. I was searching for a replacement of my lost item. But God knew that during that time, I was leaning on Him. I had to- He was the only stable thing I had. And if I had found my "replacement" that would have become my void-filler instead of God. And I believe if that would've happened, I would not have the same relationship I had with Jesus Christ as I do now.
But I think this works with things besides being lonely. Just last weekend, I was really frustrated with God because I wasn't able to understand one of His commandments. I spent quite a decent amount of my night arguing back and forth with myself, and then finally got mad. He said if I searched I'd find the answer. Well here I was meditating and all I'd gotten was a headache. Since I hadn't figured out what I was pondering, I flipped open the Bible I'd been too "busy" for that day. And I realized again, if God would have given me future insight, I probably wouldn't have even spent time in His word that night.
But Scenario 3 is really where it's hard. Because it's about the part we don't see- the future. I know there are a few things I don't understand. There just are. And I'm still searching and praying for even a mini revelation. But it's just not there. And I think it's because sometimes that's part of God's plan.
There's this really cool story in the Bible (1 Samuel 29) where David had left his home to live with the Philistines. Then, the Philistines went to war against Israel and David was getting ready to fight on the Philistine side. However, some of the Philistines began doubting David's loyalty to them, and then asked him not to fight with them.
To David, it probably seemed like a slap in the face. I can almost picture him going, "What the heck God? Here I am trying to prove myself and now I don't get the chance. If you can't make them change their minds would you at least tell me why!"
But David couldn't know why. Because it wasn't time for that yet.
The real reason why, was because David was going to be KING of Israel. But if he would have fought against the Israelites, that never would have happened.
To sum this up, be encouraged if you can't find what you're looking for right now. Sometimes it's the search that ends up meaning more that what you actually were searching for.
Live without pretense. Love. Drink more water. Trust God to open (and close) your eyes to the things you need to see (or not see.)
A.Diez.
