*The Bachelor Spoiler Alert*: Sarah gets kicked off.
For those of you who don't know, the Bachelor is a show where one man dates multiple women to try to find his future wife. At the end of each episode, he has to send at least one woman home, thus ending their relationship.
Well last week, it was Sarah.
Sean, this season's Bachelor, explained to her before she left, why he didn't think things would work out for them. (Paraphrased): "You know, at the beginning I felt a connection, and I really liked you. But the more time I spent with you it just kind of fizzled out. I don't know if you sensed it, but I started to feel like we were forcing this relationship."
Needless to say, Sarah took it like a woman- she cried. Because hearing that is hard. But, saying that to someone is hard too.
I've seen it vise versa with my friends. One will be dating a guy she was really into at first, but then a few weeks later just kind of lost it. So they break it off.
But you know who I've never seen this with? My parents.
Now I don't want to paint the picture that my mom and dad are constantly acting head over heels, can't leave each other's side, won't shut up about the other one. Not at all. Sometimes the most romantic thing they do is eat dinner together. Because life has a way of taking up your time and becoming just a little monotonous.
But, when things aren't "exciting" or "new" or they just "aren't feeling it" my parents have never once considered breaking it off. They're married. They knew it was a better or for worse kind of deal when they signed up.
Let me just clarify, this post is not about divorce.
Actually, I think I'd better just get to my point. This past month, my relationship with God has been a little ho-hum. Haven't seen any wine come out of my water bottle lately. No deep emotional connection. Which is hard, because I've felt that with God before, and it's indescribably cool.
So, I decided a few weeks ago I was going to make myself feel it again. I devoted one Saturday to Bible reading, prayer, and worship. And at the end of the day, I had definitely spent a lot of time with Him, but I still felt kind of, for lack of a better word, bored. The passion just wasn't there.
I started thinking back to the times I'd felt some of my deepest connections with God. One of them was a night I was heading home, and on a whim parked by the basketball courts. It had been a bad day and I needed some time to compose myself. That night, when I prayed, I felt all of it. The peace and comfort and love and protection and promises and goodness and everything good you feel when when you're at the peak of your relationship with Him.
But that was just a spur of the moment thing, I hadn't planned it. Nothing was forced.
And I think, with feeling that connection, you really can't force it. You never can force emotions, no matter how hard you try. Those times where we feel God's presence, we don't choose those. He does.
After realizing that last week, I began to think, "Did I seriously just waste my whole Saturday? I could have read one Bible verse and been on my happy way."
But then the analogy of my parents came back into play.
On days when the butterflies aren't really there, my dad doesn't just stop telling my mom he loves her. She doesn't ignore him when he walks through the door.
It's hard when we aren't in the mood to pray or worship Him. We feel like it's almost fake. But, we're in a marriage type relationship with God, not a dating one. And in a marriage, you stay faithful through the patches where it feels "rough".
Because, God never lets us go if it feels "rough".
I hope this brought you some kind of encouragement. After realizing my lack of feeling didn't mean my lack of faith, well, it really helped me.
I love the love God has for me. And I strive for feeling that love for Him too. But no matter where my emotions are, I want to always show Him my love, by living exactly how I promised Him I would.
Live without pretense. Love. Drink more water.
A.Diez.
