So what does that mean for an un-love story? Or more appropriately, a non-existent love story?
Not to say I've never dated or whatever, but, especially in middle school, I didn't have much luck with "love".
And if I'm being honest. It didn't stop after middle school.
Not that I need to be blaming the boys, I guess I'm kind of picky when it comes to this dating thing. Blame my dad, he gave me high standards.
But lately, I've noticed a strange pattern. I've been feeling so desperate for some type of cute little story. I've been getting, for lack of a more mature word, "crushes" on several different guys.
That last about two days.
Or less.
Which is weird. So I started reflecting.
I started in seventh grade. And worked my way up. Since I technically wasn't allowed to go on a date until I was 15, I spent a lot of time liking boys without any results. I went over situation after situation in my mind.
Nights I'd given up with the family to go to the movies. Because of a cute guy.
Conversations I'd spent where I wasn't really listening. Because of looking at a cute guy.
Grades that probably suffered, because of instead of working on my project I spent more energy on talking. To a cute guy.
Friends that were hurt, because I'd spend time after time asking them to help me analyze if a cute guy liked me. Self-centered. Talking about me.
I wonder now how many conversations I missed, how many memories I don't have, and how many others I could have connected with, if I hadn't been poring my energy into all these cute boys.
The strangest thing is, some of these guys I haven't talked to in over 5 years. And now it seems so petty, so pointless. It really makes no difference to me weather they thought 12 year old Alonnah was cute the nights I went to the skating rink. I can't even remember specific things boys said day after day in 2008, but I do remember I'd let it make or break my week.
And then I started realizing, I'll still do that. Not so much with the actions I take, but with how much I concentrate on it. I've been letting this consume my mind.
And then I thought, is this really going to matter 10 years from now.
I know God knows who I'm going to end up with. I've clung to a quote, "If God wants you to be together then there's nothing anyone can do to separate you. But, if God doesn't want you to be together there's nothing you can do to make it work."
But then, a crazy thought occurred to me.
What if God wants me to be single? Forever?
I will have wasted countless hours pouring over lost phone calls and stupid distractions for it all to come to nothing.
Now I'm not saying I believe I'm being lead to a life of singleness. Honestly, as this point, I have no clue if and when Mr. Sweep-me-off-my-feet is going to show up.
But if it's 15 years from now, I don't want to spend these next 15 years wasting my time on guys I'm not going to even have a connection with.
And then I realized, this kind of works with everything.
We obsess and obsess over when God is going to do stuff, and while we do that, we waste the time and opportunities He's given us now.
And I don't think I can risk doing that any more. Because if they're God's plans, I can't risk ignoring them.
God is God. He has a way of making things happen exactly when He needs them to.
So that also means, what's happening in your life right now, it needs to be happening. So we need to pay attention.
That about sums this post up.
Live without pretense. Love. Drink more water.
A.Diez.
